One Sided Conversation
by FallenTruth
Summary: RenxHoro, but something is not right and leads to Horo making one last desperate call.From Horo's point of view. Oneshot.


**FallenTruth:** Here is a oneshot that just came to me randomly whilst i was listening to Hear me Out by Frou Frou. A truely great song! It attacked me whilst I was just finishing off another one shot that I am writing. I am posting this one first as it is yelling at me. :D Hope you enjoy. It is a bit angsty and odd! This is all done from HoroHoro first person perspective. Expect the tenses to confuse you. :D

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One Sided Conversation

I sit here calling your phone. There is no answer. Why does that not surprise me? The answer machine kicks in. I can imagine it now, you looking at it with disdain. You never answer and never will. A shudder wracks my frame. You won't ever answer for me, it is too cruel. Yet still I am drawn to you against all common sense. I am drawn to everything about you. I can see you as if it were happening now. You shouting at me calling me a baka. Even then I am pulled towards you by invisible bonds. I am a baka. Why did we fight this morning? I can't remember. Does that make me inhuman? I squeeze my eyes shut unwilling to see the truth that is in front of me if I would but look. No apology is ever going to be enough for my stupidity. A mocking smile touches my lips as your voice kicks in on the machine.

"Just leave a message dammit." You didn't believe in telling anyone who you were like most people. You assumed everyone would know who you were. A smile, a true smile breaks free as I think on your words. They are so very you. You always act brusque, but I know that deep down you love me. I have heard you when you thought I was asleep telling me of your love. I never needed you to say it out loud. Your actions always spoke louder than your words. It was always difficult for you to voice your emotions, but that is ok. I have learnt to listen to your actions. You taught me so much and there is no way I can ever repay you. Why won't you answer?

My eyes scan the room I am in, jumping over several unimportant things that threaten to send me into panic. I hear the beep of the tone warning me that it will be time for me to speak in a moment, but what to say? What words will ease this pain I feel? Will I be able to reach you no matter how far you are from me? Can a moment truly last an eternity? Then can I spend that eternity with you? All this flashes through my mind faster than ever before. Why is it only now that my mind races? I have to tell you everything now. This is the moment of truth. This is my last chance. All too soon the beep is ending and silence is starting. I have to speak, the silence begs me to fill it. I take a deep breath,

"Ren it's Horo." I wince at the desperate edge to my voice. Yet I have to continue. These few words have opened a dam within me. "Ren I love you and I am sorry. So very sorry. This is all my fault if only I hadn't argued with you. Forgive me please. Please, I beg you!" Harsh sobs caused my words to grow indistinct. "I am s, sorry p, please. Forgive m, me. It's all my f, fault. I, I love y, you. Ren! Hear m, me please! Ren I can't do this alone. I can't. Don't l, leave me... Please." The last word was barely a whisper and yet it echoed in the silent room. "Answer me." Deafening silence was my only reply. I felt hope leaving me. I had to tell him my truth what I really felt for him.

"Ren you are everything." That is what I needed to say. Four words from my heart. He had to be able to hear that, he just had to.

I gripped the phone tightly to my ear as yet more silence filled the air. My knuckles whitened as I said one last thing. "Goodbye." I spoke just in time as the phone disconnected. The machine had reached the end of the tape. The phone drops from my nerveless fingers and smashes as it hits the ground. That is right. I wouldn't have ever used it again anyway. It would hurt too much. As it is I am not sure how to go on. Then a voice breaks through the silence,

"Horo, it's time." I look up into Yoh's sympathetic and pain filled gaze. He is the only other in the room. It seems he sent everyone else out.

"Thanks." He merely nods once in acknowledgement. Gently he takes my arm and leads me across the room. I think back to early today to this morning. To fighting with Ren. I had thought of a perfect way to make up with him. I was going to sit with him and watch the sun set. It would have been great companionable silence. Instead I am here. Alone. He can not hear me. By the time we reach our destination I am being held up by Yoh. I look down and a strange numbness fills me. Everything seems so far away. I stand on my own releasing Yoh from that burden. He already has enough to bear. As if reading my mind he goes, leaving me alone.

Alone I stand and look for the first time upon the pallid face of my lover, Ren, as he lies in his coffin. It all happened so fast. Before this I refused to accept what they said. I had to see it with my own eyes. I called him in an effort to prove them wrong and speak to him one last time. If I didn't see him dead I reasoned, then he wasn't dead yet. I could still talk to him even if he couldn't talk back. I could still reach him. My hand stretches out to touch his face. I recoil from the coldness of his skin, but I persist. I bend down and place a chaste kiss upon his unresponsive lips. I want to say something, but there is nothing more to say. There is no-one to reply. All my conversations are now dead. As dead as he. I turn from the body, that is not him, not really. I walk out of the room mind swirling with too many thoughts and not enough. For now I have to just keep moving I have to go outside. I can't think about anything else or I will break. I can't break. I have to go outside. I have to finish my reconciliation with Ren exactly how I planned it. I receive many worried looks and thoughtful questions, but I can not speak. My voice is gone. I reach the door to the outside and look up.

The sun has set.

_FIN_

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**FallenTruth: **There you go. I am not to sure that I am happy with the ending, but I couldn't see another way to express what I wanted so it stayed. Any helpful comments would be greatly appreciated so please review. :D


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